IVF Failure

Ouchie :(
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We came back from vacation on Sunday and had our second ultrasound on Monday. The news was heartbreaking to say the least. The ultrasound looked almost exactly the same as it did the previous week, with the exception that there was more blood around the sac and it was not connected to the womb.  
The baby just stopped growing. We don't know why. There was a yolk sac, but again nothing increased in size during that week. My body was ready to miscarry but the meds were keeping everything in place.  

I thought I could prepare myself for this possibility but it hit us both pretty hard. I cried my eyes out. Even today, 3 days later I still have my ups and downs, especially when I see baby clothes that we won't be buying. Mr. Blue has been a saint and so supportive. I just don't know what I did wrong.  I tried to be so careful.  

Needless to say the Doctor had me stop the meds on Monday and the bleeding started yesterday. It hasn't been very heavy but it is brown which means the blood is old and was ready to go a while ago. Today the cramps have been horrible. I've had chemical miscarriages before and they were similar to a period. I thought that's how this would be. I was so wrong. The pain is almost as bad as the first ectopic when my tube burst. Vicodin is my friend.

So right now my body needs to pass this out and recover. Then they'll do a few tests to see if they can figure anything out.

We still have one little guy frozen so we'll try again after the new year. I really thought we had it this time.  

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful that I have Mr. Blue. He's an amazing and incredible man.

I'm thankful that I have a great family, and I'm thankful to have Gidget, she's great with fuzz therapy.

Hugs to all.

Ultrasound 1

No Peanut Yet...
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We went in for the first ultrasound yesterday. We were at 6 weeks and 1 day and tried to get it in before our vacation.

Unfortunately it's too early. They usually do it at 6.5 weeks and there was no baby to be found.  
:(
We did see a yolk sac though.  

We've scheduled another ultrasound for when we get back. Apparently the baby grows pretty fast in just a few days so we'll see. 

I was disappointed with the results yesterday. I naturally wanted confirmation that everything was going well but now we'll have to wait. My nurse called me to reassure me that it's just early and they had another women in the same situation. When she came a week later they found a perfectly healthy baby.

So here's to keeping my spirits up and having a good time on a much needed vacation.

...healthy, happy baby...healthy, happy baby...healthy, happy baby...

Cheers

IVF - Final Results

Poor Gidget!
Photo courtesy of Mr. Blue.

Halloween has come and gone. I hope everyone had a spooktacular time. Mr. Blue and I divided duties, he was in charge of playing STWOR and keeping Gidget under control and I got to hand out the candy. We turned out the lights about 8:30pm and by then I was so tired I went to bed not much later.

But that's not what you came here to read about.

I did have my appointment that morning to get the pregnancy test done. When they called me they said that what they look for is an HCG level (pregnancy hormone) of at least 50....

IVF Update - The Transfer

Can't...Wait...Til...HALLOWEEN!!
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I had my embryo transfer on the 22nd.  Over all it went well, the only kink was me balling my eyes out.

So here's how the day went. 

8:00am - Mr. Blue and I get up and start getting ready.  I was nervous as heck, I don't know why.  We didn't need to leave until 10:00am so there was a bit of Star Wars Online which did nothing to help calm my nerves.

10:00am - Leave the house and head down to Lone Tree.  We arrive at 10:40am.  Check in time is 10:45am.

(Times are approximate here on out)

~10:46am - check in as there was a long line.  The receptionist has to call the Louisville office because apparently they forgot to put in my blood work order which is supposed to happen before the transfer.
Everything is squared away and Mr. Blue and I take a seat to wait.

~10:56am - we're called to the back to have my blood drawn.  They want to check my hormone levels and see if they need to make any modifications to my medications.  Once we're done we head upstairs to another waiting room to wait for my 1st acupuncture appointment.  I'm still nervous as all get out.  I feel like I've had 2 cups of coffee but in actuality I haven't had any caffeine since the week before, with the exception of chocolate.  :-)

IVF Update 6

Can almost see the finish line!
photo credit: Dru Bloomfield - At Home in Scottsdale via photopin cc

Uhm...ow, and also, OW! Had the first inter-muscular butt injection last night. While I wasn't screaming in pain it still hurt. Mr. Blue did a good job though so I can't fault him for that. I got a flu shot the same day so my body isn't too happy with me right now. The progesterone oil injections have to happen every other day.

I'm up to 4 estrogen patches every other day and taking vaginal suppositories 3 times a day.  (No perverted comments from those Tasmanian born!!  You know who you are!!  ;-P )

On the plus side I don't have to give myself belly injections any more. I was having a harder and harder time finding areas that didn't hurt too bad, and of course I'd get frustrated and have an emotional break down.

I used to think the emotional roller coaster would come from the stress of wanting a baby and the chance that it might not happen. While that can contribute, the biggest stress is just from the medications themselves. They always recommend a counselor but I don't feel that would help.  I just don't have a lot of control over my emotions right now. Mr. Blue is the best support and very patient with me. He's all the counsel I need right now.  :-)

Last night we went to a wedding for one of Mr. Blue's co-workers. I was dreading it at first but after meeting some cool people I had a great time. I didn't drink any alcohol but Mr. Blue didn't think you could tell the difference. So I'm a dork. LOL
It just felt good. I needed that.

Everything has been going well so far, my body is responding nicely and the medication levels are good. Transfer day is on the 22nd. I probably won't post again until sometime after that. I'm supposed to be on bed rest for 36 hours after the procedure.

Hope everyone is well.

...Healthy, happy baby...healthy, happy baby...healthy, happy baby...healthy, happy baby...

IVF - Update 5

Waiting...Waiting...
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I haven't been posting much because there isn't a whole lot going on right now. It's mostly the waiting game. 

This month is prepping my body for the 1st (and hopefully last) embryo transfer. They had me on birth control pills to regulate my cycle. Just before the pills finished I started on the daily Lupron injections. Small ones but pokey pokey in the belly again. This week the dosage of the injections was reduced and I'm taking a baby aspirin once a day (to help prevent clotting). I'm also wearing an estrogen patch. At some point I'll be wearing 4 of them, LOL.

The idea right now is that they are trying to get my uterus lining to the most ideal state for the transfer and it will be monitored roughly once a week. It's a gradual process to increase the lining. If it gets too thick then we have to start all over again, so naturally I'm hoping that doesn't happen.  

There are a couple more meds that I will have to start in a week or two. One of them will be the progesterone shots in the butt muscle which Mr. Blue will kindly do for me.  :)

If everything goes well we should be able to do the transfer in about 3 weeks time, with the pregnancy test being on Halloween.  :-D

The other interesting thing is that they recommend acupuncture on the transfer day before and after the procedure. We don't have to do it but I'm going to try it if it helps and I've never had acupuncture before so what the heck.

One last note.  Yes the meds are messing with my system.  My emotions are kind of out of whack.  I noticed my writing is a little off as well, so my apologies.  I'm happy but I also feel kind of numb if that makes sense. But then again it changes from day to day so who knows how I'll feel tomorrow.

My next post will either be after the first injection that Mr. Blue does (so I can bitch about it) or after the transfer since I'll be on bed rest for 36 hours. Like I said, it's mainly a waiting game right now.

Hope everyone is well!

IVF - Update 4

I Love Autumn!
photo credit: Ian Sane via photopin cc

I've been playing a lot of SWTOR and coupled with the fact that there isn't much to tell, well, I clearly haven't posted lately.

The main thing is that we did see the doctor about the chromosomal anomalies. Most of the 10 had 2 or more problems. Which definitely explains why we haven't been successful before. The main decision now is whether or not we want to implant 1 or both of the healthy embryos. The Doctor recommends both to increase our chances of getting pregnant, however, it also greatly increases our chances of having twins.

Mr. Blue and I discussed this. We only want 1 healthy, happy baby. We can always change our minds later (assuming my biological clock is still running). If that embryo still splits into twins, so be it.  :)  And if this one doesn't implant there's always the 2nd one.  

To get my body ready for the transfer they've started me on birth control pills to regulate my cycle a bit. There will be a whole host of other meds that I will have to take as well to prepare my body for the best possible outcome. Estrogen and progesterone are only a couple of meds I will be using.  

I find this stage rather interesting with all of the prep work that is being done. In Australia there wasn't much that they did to prep me other than wait for when my normal cycle would occur then they did the transfer. There were no meds involved. This has me hopeful that it will be successful this time.  

At this point the transfer date is set for the end of October.  I love October.  Hopefully it will be a great month!