The Need for IVF - Part 1

Almost the same subject!
photo credit: Louis Engival (Pentax K20D / K5-IIs) via photopin cc

In order to talk about my IVF experiences, I first need to share why I need IVF in the first place.  

In 2007, at the age of 32, I had become pregnant.  I was in my second marriage and had already had a couple of miscarriages.  They were only within the first weeks of the pregnancies so there was no major impact to myself, however, one of them must have done some damage that I was not aware of.  This time I was about a month along and was very naive so I didn't know what to expect.  

On a November morning in 2007, as I was getting ready for work, I began to feel some of the worst abdominal pain I have ever experienced in my life.  Initially I thought it was an intestinal issue and tried to relieve myself in the bathroom.  Obviously that didn't work and I ultimately ended up on the floor writhing and crying in pain.


I have no idea how long it lasted, but when it finally subsided enough that I could crawl into my bed, I called in sick and then called my husband to come home (something he wasn't too happy about).  The pain remained a tolerable ache the rest of the day and the husband was able to go back to work after an hour.  Was I bitter?  Yes.  I'm not an emotional rock and I don't apologize for that.

The next day I still had the tolerable pain, it had not gotten worse through the night, and I was planning to go to work.  Luckily I already had an ultrasound appointment set for that morning, so the plan was to go to the doctor's, see how the baby was doing, then go to work.

When the Doctor performed the ultrasound she became really confused.  She did find a small blip off to the side, in the wrong location, but she also found a larger dark area in my abdomen that looked nothing like a baby.  The doctor's office was right next door to a hospital so she immediately sent me to the hospital's ultrasound expert to figure out what was going on.

I've always been fascinated with science and technology, so getting to see my insides on the monitor was awesome.  What was even more amazing was seeing a tiny little heart beat and knowing there was a little life inside of me.  

The technologist then dropped a bombshell, the baby was in fact in my fallopian tube.  I was having an ectopic pregnancy.  I couldn't help it, I began to cry.  I knew right then I was going to lose my baby.  This was all the ultrasound tech would tell me and she sent me back to the doctor's office.  After a few moments of waiting the Doctor came in an explained the full impact of what was going on.  The baby was in my tube, and my tube had burst (this was the horrible pain that I had felt).  The large dark area on the ultrasound was in fact a pool of blood - I was bleeding internally and she needed to get me into surgery right away.

The next few minutes were a whirlwind.  I tried to get a hold of my husband and couldn't reach him.  I then tried my parents and couldn't reach them either.  I was almost in a state of panic.  I was able to get a hold of my sister and told her what was going on, she promised to get a hold of everyone for me.  I then called my boss to let him know as well.  Once that was all done I was alone.  I was about to go in for life saving surgery and there wasn't a single person there for me, that I could hug and have them tell me everything would be ok.  I was scared.  Finally the nurses came to get me and it was all quick paperwork and prep, then lights out.

When I came to my husband, my parents and my sister were all there.  I needed to stay overnight and get a blood transfusion as I had lost about 3 pints of blood.  I had 3 new incisions on my belly.  They had gone in laparoscopically and had to remove the entire tube and the baby.  The Doctor had to cauterize to stop the bleeding.

That night I was just numb, tired, drugged and relieved that the surgery went ok.  It wasn't until I went home the next day that the emotional impact of what had just happened hit me.  I had lost my baby and could have died.  A few months later my marriage fell apart and we filed for divorce.  I struggled emotionally with what happened for a while, and while I know it hit my husband as well, I never felt like I received the strength and support I needed from him.  I may have been unfair but that's just the way it was.  

I came to view my ectopic pregnancy as a blessing and moved on with my life.  More on that next time.